Hey, Baby
Hey, Baby
It's 8 a.m. I stumble outside to grab the paper, and a passing driver wolf-whistles me. I go back inside, silently seething.
Grrr.
It's noon. I'm pumping gas, staring into space, thinking. A guy at the opposite pump starts making small talk, while unsubtly leering at me. Eh, usually I play along in these situations - it's not like he said "Nice tits." But today I say, very politely, "Look, man, I really don't want to have a conversation with you." Instantly he becomes hostile, eventually telling me to stick the pump hose up my ass.
Grrr.
It is early evening. I am walking to the parking garage. A man rides past on his bicycle, stops, stares, and starts in: "Hey, baby, I just gotta tell you ... ." Baby?!? I wave him away. "No, no, no - I don't want to hear it." He yells, "That's right - nobody can take a compliment these days." I see red. I shout back, "I don't have to take your fucking 'compliment.'" He taunts me, tells me to be afraid. I tell him to fuck off. "Eat me, bitch."
Grrr.
These are just three random moments in a lifetime of being verbally harassed by men on the street. Whether I ignore them, politely refuse them, or scream flaming retribution at them, they don't stop. Their "compliments" make me feel angry and violated. I resent their sense of entitlement to comment on my body, to demand any piece of my mind. And I'm not alone. A social rebellion is on the horizon, and its name is Holla Back.
The blog Holla Back NYC is dedicated to the proposition that women don't have to put up with men's propositions. It encourages street-harassed women - in New York and numerous other places where spinoffs have spawned - to snap a cell-phone photo of the guy(s) and send it in for posting along with the (often hair-curling) story. Founded by four women and three men, HBNYC is both an outlet for women to vent and an education for the astonishing number of men oblivious to how often women get sexually intimidated on the street - and how it makes them feel.
Hollaback has been covered by media from Fox News to Ms. magazine, and much discussed by bloggers. In various online comment sections, male responses reveal recurring themes. Some applaud the site unconditionally. Others disparage it obscenely, often invoking that tired myth about how feminine pulchritude makes the boyz lose control. But in between are defensiveness ("Most guys don't do that"), denial ("I never see that"), disbelief that women take offense ("Isn't that a compliment?"), and disgusted surprise ("I had no idea that was so bad").
And let's not forget the classic male hysteria: "OMG, what if some woman wants to get an innocent man in trouble and posts his picture even if he didn't do anything?"
Jeez, guys, it's just a little patch of empowering catharsis in a woman's world besieged by subway flashers, tongue-waggers, boob-oglers, butt-eyeballers, and path-blockers. It's not law enforcement's go-to for collaring creeps. Many photos are unidentifiably blurry anyway. (And I'd bet any actual resulting legal action would be a man suing a woman for posting his picture.) Besides, if you'd never harass a woman, why are you so worried?
Hmmm, maybe it's just ... reflex. The patriarchy* not only dictates that women are brightly colored ornaments to amuse men and surrender attention on demand, but also that men may always express any leering thought to any female - who must then smilingly accept it as a compliment. Furthermore, all men must support one another in taking what is rightfully theirs. ("You hold her down, and I'll nail her," as the saying goes ... quoted in Chia Pet's brilliantly sarcastic 1994 harassment-lamenting tune "Hey Baby.") Finally, a man shall never disparage another man, lest he smear all men, in favor of a woman.
Most men probably don't lech on women in public places, so ... who's really getting innocent men in trouble here? If it's so upsetting to feel that chicks unfairly judge all dudes by the actions of this alleged pig minority, why don't men help women shut down these mofos? Aha, well - some do. Groups like Men Stopping Violence and Men Can Stop Rape actively oppose harassment and other violence against women. They are part of this social rebellion too. They've decided it's not enough to whine that they aren't like that; they must back women up and check their brethren. Otherwise, all men will continue to be eyed with suspicion and fear. Even the innocent ones.
Published: 09/14/2006
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