Abortion. Yeah.
First off, how ’bout that headline? Pretty edgy, huh? Also, kinda in-your-face. Not too face-y, I hope. What I was shooting for was just the right amount of “in” in relation to “face,” you know, without being rude, because rudeness helps nothing, am I right Suicide Hotline operator No. 8?
Anyways. Abortion. Yeah. See, I remember when abortion was big. Christian Slater-big. It was back in the ’80s, when all we seemed to do was talk about abortion and wonder if there was any limit to the upward arc that was Miss Lisa Bonet’s career. But times changed, and what with the Internet and the Magic Bullet, who has time for abortion? Even bumper stickers, long the engine of political discourse in America, moved on to other areas of debate. (“Resolved: No Fat Chicks.”)
So it was with a good deal of nostalgia that I gazed upon the bumper sticker in front of me on the 405. There, on the bumper of a rather tired looking Mazda, was a nativity scene with the adjacent words: “If Mary Had Been Pro-Choice, There Would Be No Christmas.”
Okay, first, there will always be a Christmas. There will always be a Christmas because that’s the way the five guys who run the world from their bunker underneath the Statue of Liberty’s big toe want it. (Season’s Greetings, my sub-podiatric overlords!)
Next, the bumper presupposes that every woman who is pro-choice automatically wants to have an abortion when, of course, most pro-choice women choose to have children. Regret it later? Sure. Drunk dial old boyfriends from the El Torito women’s room? Absolutely. Still.
So, it seems to me that what the bumper was saying was that Pro-Choice Mary would choose an abortion because her pregnancy was unwanted. Basically, bumper, you’re saying that God pressured Mary into getting pregnant.
Well, I don’t know what God you worship – I bet He has muttonchops – but my God is an awesome God; a God of peace and compassion. A God who likes to prank guys into almost killing their sons, a God who enjoys messing with people’s heads by presenting Himself as a talking shrub or Oprah. My God is a short-tempered God who likes damning people to live in inhospitable places such as giant fish or North Hollywood.
So, tired Mazda bumper, would that God, the God of salt-o-cide and frog rain,
really be so heartless, so cruel as to pressure a young girl, a teen, into having His baby? Seriously, would he? I dunno, that Dude is crazy!
Published: 04/02/2008
DIGG | del.icio.us | REDDIT
