Rick Najera
It is opening day of Latinologues Tu, and I am in the audience at the Hayworth Theatre/La Fonda Cultural Center watching a final run-through. Rick Najera – playwright, VP at LATV, occasional braggart, and Olympic Gold namedropper – is giving final notes to his young cast. He does a little patter, a little soft shoe, before the story of Alejandro, el Macho, begins. Played by Jesse Garcia, Alejandro wonders if the beautiful blonde he’s about to take home is one of those food-service groupies. Once that immortal question has been answered, he has a very long orgasm, with a little pantomimed bean-diddling and a pink in the stink. But she doesn’t love him, because he’s ... just a busboy. At some point, Najera calls Puerto Ricans “legal Mexicans.” And then there’s a good line in a monologue by a let’s all love each other and get intermarried white guy about how in his native Northeast, they have clambakes and witch burnings. “We love to cook,” he says, “and entertain.”
–Rebecca Schoenkopf
L.A. CityBeat: So, uh ...
Rick Najera: So, do you know anything about me?
No, not really. Uh, you were on Broadway?
Yes. With Latinologues.
And this one is?
It’s Latinologues Tu, like “You.” “You” are the most important person, like Time Magazine’s person of the year last year. Some of the monologues I use from old shows, like the Border Patrol guy, it makes sense. People love it. Say, by the year 2040 or whatever, Anglos will actually be the minority. We’re attracted to opposites, like Alejandro dating the blonde.
Well, “dating.” [Story about an adorable cater-waiter at the Richard Nixon Library, a Che temporary tattoo, and how he called every hour on the hour for 12 days, asking if he could come over and go swimming, excised for you, the busy reader.]
It’s a bigger thought than that. I worked as a busboy years ago, and one of the others took home a beautiful blonde, hit it all night long. He thought it was romance, she was like, “Okay, thanks.” There’s such a difference in status, it wasn’t gonna work out.
Yeah, but that’s not really fair! Maybe it wasn’t gonna work out because he called her once an hour for 12 days!
Well, your kid is thinking he’s got this beautiful huera –
What’s a huera?
A woman. She’s got a pool, this romance is gonna happen. Jesse plays this part, and he’s a good-looking guy, women adore him. But what I’m writing about is the attraction of opposites. Conquer or be conquered. It’s a hot monologue.
It really is! I have never seen a male orgasm portrayed that way, like Meg Ryan’s in Harry Met Sally was just ... quaint. It was great.
And then you got the really sweet one, the white guy who really just believes in love.
I thought it was too pussy.
Yeah, Rafael [Agustin]’s a sweetheart. I gotta slap him around a little, toughen him up. Then you’ve got me doing the Daddy Diaries.
It’s not all maudlin and sappy, is it? Like, are you turning into Steve Martin?
No. No no no. After my wife and I got together, my world became so radically different. And with kids, you just adapt. At 10 this morning, I was at a soccer game!
Who’s the guy with the crazy mom who tried to kill his dad, had a show, Stacy Keach was the coke dad? Oh, Christopher Titus. So he does all this hysterical, super-dark shit, and then he ends his act with this total “children are the future” world peace bit ... .
Nah, I see stuff my kids do, and go, ‘Wow, kids are really bastards.’ They’re plotting like Caligula in Rome! I saw my boy tackle a little girl in soccer practice to get the ball. We get a lot of people who get upset: ‘I wanna see Latino characters empowered, blah blah blah.’ And instead, we’ve got a blonde who takes Alejandro and puts him in a headlock: ‘EAT IT.’
And he doesn’t want to. Shocking.
No, we very much want to please. We are lovers. It’s true, we speak a romance language, male and female, gendered. We understand about men and women.
Oooh, let me ask you about that! I’m dating someone who refers to himself as a “male.” Like, “I am a male!” And everytime, I go, “No, baby, you’re a man!” I don’t think of myself as female; I think of myself as a woman. It makes a difference, right?
Look, these girls who work in our show will tell you they want a man who’ll take you. They don’t want to teach – unless they’re high school teachers or something, who are into that. One of our characters is a drug lord. He stays up all night, watching CNN, fun guy. He’s coked out of his mind, got a beautiful telenovela star girlfriend who’s coked out of her mind, bodyguard coked out of his. He’s the most together guy in the whole play. Because he knows what he’s doing. You have these characters who see themselves not as victims of their lives, but their lives and circumstances make them who they are. ‘Oh, show us the pain of the barrio.’ That’s not what I do. We’re here at La Fonda. It’s a party. We go have food and mariachis and tequila next door. You can bring drinks in; the restaurant’s license covers it. We’re not at the Mark Taper Forum. It’s a party!
Published: 08/20/2008
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